I don’t really know what I’m doing with a blog. I’ve never written and I’m so new to my topic that I don’t feel as though I have the right to offer any advice of any kind. This blog is my first attempt at documenting my weight loss journey. I’ve always had the worst memory so I’m doing this more for myself than anyone else. I want to be able to remember the things I’m learning, the struggles I’m going through, and the victories I’m experiencing while I’m in them rather than looking back. If there are things that I learn which also inspire, encourage and enlighten you, then that’s a bonus. The purpose of this blog is to look back and reflect on my relationship with my body, food, dieting, exercise and weight loss.
I can’t trace back how long ago it was that I became uncomfortable in my body. From what I recall, it has been the majority of my life. I’ve consistently been at least slightly or severely overweight. I’m a lover of good food, and lazy when it comes to sport and exercise. I did a lot of things as a kid from dance to speed swimming to ringette to volleyball and badminton. I genuinely liked sports and competing, however, my skills and level of aggression were never enough for that scene. This was mostly because I was never in shape. Around late Junior High, I finally had to choose between sports and music because choosing both wasn’t a feasible life. I chose music.
Food has played a weird role in my life. My mom is an incredible chef and I grew up eating decadent foods that my friends didn’t (not Mennonite, MUCH better). I learnt early on what good food was and usually, if I liked it then it wasn’t particularly healthy. We also fluctuated between dieting and not for what feels like my whole life. We would eat without regard until we decided that we were unhealthy and we would start a diet such as Jenny Craig, Keto, chicken and broccoli only, protein shakes and the like. I want to be clear that I don’t resent this, if anything it taught me the difference that various foods make on our bodies. The ongoing problem is that I have always preferred the option that doesn’t serve my body well, it’s on me from day one.
Around late high school, I experienced some pretty drastic family changes and I turned to fast food and binge eating to solve the feelings. On and off from 2012 right up until today I have struggled with both depression and anxiety to varying degrees. I’m going to be honest, in bouts of mental illness is where I see the majority of my weight gain.
I could go into more details of all of the things that I couldn’t do because of my weight but at this point, this is about as vulnerable as I can get. Maybe I’ll be able to open up about those things one day. All I’ll say is that I’ve missed out on some of the coolest experiences that I’ve wanted to do my whole life because of my weight and the choices I’ve made with my body.
For all of my adult life, I’ve fluctuated just like I did as a kid. I’ve had a gym membership for years and used it well for a month then off for many more months and the cycle continues. Gavin (my husband) and I did keto for 6 months a few years ago and dropped some pounds, but when we started introducing carbs back into our diet we gained it all back and more. Other than keto, nothing I’ve ever tried has lasted longer than a month. Not only did I feel fat – I also felt like an utter failure.
“I can’t stick to anything so I am a quitter.”
“I got McDonalds the other day so I have no self control.”
“My friends don’t text me, it’s because I’m fat.”
“I can’t lose the weight, I’m not worth anything.”
Obviously, all lies, but these and many more were all I thought of myself for years. I’m not healed. I’ve only been at this for four months but this blog is to show you the process that I have gone through and will continue to go on for the rest of my life to heal my mind and my self-image and obviously my body.
Time for the last bit of utter honesty for this blog post. I have always had a debilitating fear of the scale so I have no idea how much I’ve weighed over my life or what or when was my heaviest weight. All I know is that at the age of 25 on November 23, 2020, I weighed 352 pounds and I’m ashamed of that. This will be the first time that anyone aside from my husband, knows my weight. I post about it on TikTok and Instagram but never with numbers because I’m so embarrassed. I’m working really hard, this IS the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I know it will be worth it because I can already feel it.
If you’re still reading this, thank you for supporting me, I need it. I’m going to post about food habits, mindset, workouts and I have A LOT of feelings about diet culture so I’ll be posting that too. The Fit Problem is my past experiences and process of healing on my journey to health. If you have encouragements or if you’re going through this with me PLEASE comment. I would love to create a community of people who uplift and work alongside one another.
Starting Weight: 352
Current Weight: 309
Goal Weight: 150
PS: This was super hard to write, I’m not open about this subject but I want to be. Please be kind.
Bye for now!
Your so freaking brave and crushing this journey. I’m so happy to know you. Your dedication to self love is inspiring
Hey friend! I feel so honored to read your story and hear of the victories that God is working through your life! ❤
Consider me in your cheering section! You are gifted and beautiful, and generous- and I appreciate knowing you!
you are so strong Shelby! I am so blessed to call you a friend and look forward to being encouraged through your journey!
You are so brave to share this with the world and I am so excited to come alongside you in this journey.
You are so incredibly brave. Thank you for being so honest. You are not alone in your fears and your feelings. I’m definitely your cheerleader!
You are so loved.
I’m also so proud of you for taking steps to change something that makes you view yourself negatively. Your bold step to be vulnerable thru the journey, not waiting til you’ve reached your goal is inspiring on so many levels. 🤍🤍🤍 you got this, and when you need them, we’ve got the high fives waiting.
Shelby thank you for making yourself so vulnerable. I’m super proud of you! Your dedication and discipline are inspiring. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the results of all your hard work. You look great. Still waiting for myself to be brave enough to get on the fitness train.
You are brave, bold, and so courageous for sharing deep thoughts and feelings and I really admire you for it. I love the blog!
Shelby you are beautiful, and not because of a number, but because of who you are and have always been. You have a gentle and sweet spirit and no weight gain or loss can change that. You are doing great and you will no doubt help many people with their journeys as well. Xo
Thank you for sharing your story. Although you may not think it at the time. Others will read your journey and be inspired to do better in their lives. It’s definitely not easy putting yourself out there. But you are amazing for doing it. You are doing great.
Wow! You truly are an amazing daughter (I don’t usually use “in law). You are a beautiful, Godly woman on the inside and I admire you even more now for your determination and perseverance! Sharing to this depth demonstrates confidence in the One who made you in His image!
You are not alone! I’m in the same journey. Jan.11 I weighed in at 301.6 and I’m at 261. It is very vulnerable and scary to be open so bless you for sharing and allowing others to be part of your journey. You are an inspiration and will encourage many who feel it’s impossible to believe it’s possible. It is absolutely hard, but so worth it. We are going to do this one step at a time. My goal weight is the same as you.